Rethinking…

So I have to rethink something…

I always try to take jobs that benefit me somehow?

The police… I love my police ❤️ I took them because I knew I would be safe, I was aiming to get out of domestic violence, and I knew no one – I knew if I took them, I would know my community. I really love my police because they were my first step out ❤️

And then the golf course… hmm I didn’t go after them – they came after me… I was approached for that one.

When I first started, I hated it!! Omg … it was overwhelming cause I got hit on constantly. Plus I was stiff… before kids I was only in office environments – I know office environments well…

But a golf course is sports entertainment, different than what I knew. And it dealt with men, alcohol and sales – none of which are my thing lol… I like men, but I am just cautious because of past so just careful. I don’t want just anyone. I don’t want anything arrogant, superficial or bad. I needed time to heal?

So I hated that job at first!! But I promised myself to give it a month, if I still hate after a month – I would see what I want to do.

I ended up loving it – and was probably my most favorite job ever, of all ❤️❤️❤️ I could say anything I wanted – and it gave me training how to handle guys lol … it allowed me to laugh and have fun every single day… I got close to my regulars, I had really amazing people there ❤️ plus everyone was always happy to see me… I always smile in general – but that job had my smile coming from the soul ❤️ seriously best job ever ❤️ so I stayed… they even were supportive through all my losses and things I went through – most amazing people ever ❤️ I fricken love golf, and I miss that job sooo much!!

Then I got breast cancer. I had to give it up through all of that… breast cancer took that all away.

I can’t go back cause now I have limitations. 😔 I have no feeling on big area of my right side and arm, plus issues with that right side – ok so time to move on

I can’t just have fun all the time 😄😄❤️ I wish though!!!

So I made it through the breast cancer and I needed something else …

During the cancer I had to “give up my life” to fight through that. I really hated that and everything was so hard to go through! By the time I finished – I was tired and kinda sad… I couldn’t go back to golf… so now what?

Well I am a mom, I love kids… I am comfortable with kids – they have an honesty to them… I am at ease with kids… so I aimed at working with kids…

My police helped me with recommendation letters to land a job at a school… I worked with kids from ages Kindergarten through 12th grade …

No one knew I had just battled breast cancer, and I didn’t get hit on… and those kids were so full of life and dreams ❤️

In a different way, those kids made me smile every single day!!! I miss my kids!!! ❤️

They were funny and just amazing!! I got close to all of them and their families! We had the best kids ever!! They trusted me and came to me with everything when they couldn’t go to anyone else ❤️

I loved being with those kids – they gave me life back after cancer ❤️❤️❤️

But I still needed something else to survive so… what else?

Well because I lost my family boom boom boom 💥… one right after the other – so I never really had time to process… so that still weighed on me… how do I fix that?

So I decided since death came at me, instead of letting it consume me with grief… I was gonna aim at it… I knew I could connect with others deeply in the sense of loss, and maybe that would also help me?

It has helped, I did connect. It allowed me to process the deaths and also see different.

For maybe 2 weeks I had a balance with kids giving me life and death letting me process.

On March 16th, 2020… I got called into the principals office and told we shutting down momentarily… I was not allowed to tell the kids or say anything because parents were not yet notified.

March 17th, 2020 was my last day… I knew I would never see them again 💔 they were a HUGE part of my life and they had no idea the life they breathed back into me ❤️ … I had to look at their faces knowing what I knew, and I couldn’t say goodbye. I miss them so much!! ❤️ I hope they are doing well – I think of them all the time!

So then I luckily still had the funeral home. That was deemed essential. I never expected death to come in my life like that 😮 but it did

I found myself alone literally – with death!! But if I had not turned to death I would not have had a job at all!

I was lucky I did that… I could still work! And I got to be by myself… I loved it, and it helped me slowly ❤️ I got to see death from another angle 📐 and be free.

So that brings me here. I think my time with death is over? It is time to move forward again… I don’t need death anymore. 😮

I’m thinking that even though I do love it for reasons… oddly – totally not a weirdo lol … I just love it because I connect there, and there is a calm and a peace.

Anyway… I do think it doesn’t match up with who I am? I do have a calm … but maybe I need life again? And there is too much going on… if my doctor knew the stress- he would have my head… and I need more hours, more money and benefits… I would like to not become a customer yet!! Lol

I only expected death to be temporary and not so engulfing of my life – the more I stay… the more it engulfs

Alright so… what do I want now? I have a couple options… I’m just trying to figure out my aim and direction.

With that blow up yesterday… it is going to rain down, and unless they gonna offer full time, more money and benefits – yeah I’m not doing that.

And that was a sign to get out now. There have been other signs also.

So yeah… let me aim again – what do I want and need? Ok lol this should be interesting 😮❤️

Gonna read comments, but I be back tonight 😘✌️

28 thoughts on “Rethinking…

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  1. Hmmm, you’ve made such personal, very personal, employment choices. I think you seem to have an inner sense tha kinda tells you where you’ll be happy as it seems to have worked for you so far!! Go with your inner feeling! I can’t offer much sage advice, I only had one motivation (travel) and luckily found jobs that allowed me to scratch that itch 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes they are kind of really personal choices based around what I think I need lol … trying to be well rounded and happy lol

      I always make choices with what I believe to be best and will lead to a happy existence ❤️

      All about enjoying what life has to offer – definitely ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah… I’m gonna 2020 my life lol… (I am using 2020 as my new term for change lol)

      I will end up with a new car, a new job, a new life omg – yeah 2020 my life lol

      I do take my time mostly… but recently life is pushy, wants me to move faster…

      I am slow always… I like to overthink lol… life is trying to teach me how to trust myself and jump lol ✌️

      I do get a good sense of what is right for me… if the smallest thing feels off, it’s not right. It usually all falls in place how is meant to be… I just have to trust my gut better … and be faster lol

      😘❤️

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah lol… I do make sure whatever I pick is the right choice. I’m a little slow on the pick up lol.

      But I have lined up possible vehicle… 🙏 hopefully 🙏… and I can swing this one…

      So that’s my first move. Cause I need reliable car to look at other jobs.

      And job wise – I’m already checking that out also. The thing that kills me is having to rewrite every single fricken cover letter!!

      Can’t I just say – look I want a job, I work hard – need full time, full benefits, and good money … am worth it and versatile… boom and done 😄✌️

      But no I have to customize… and that’s a pain in the ass

      But yeah I will pick correctly, I feel when it’s right. ❤️

      It’s just trying to find “right” so we see how goes… my stuff usually falls in line ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha I know – on occasion I get frustrated with that cover letter … and I will just plainly send resume – I don’t do that too often or if I really want the particular job … but I get annoyed lol… and then I’m like F it

        Let it speak for itself – either you want me or you don’t … and how annoying it must be to read all that crap from all the applicants

        Yeah we see on the car – I will know more tmrw 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Way back before applying was automated, I worked as an HR assistant and all cover letters were thrown away unread.

        Now I figure it might help only because you have no idea whether your resume parsed correctly. In fact, the few times the parsing results have been shown, they’ve all been different and incorrect… which means it never even makes it to a human!!!

        Liked by 3 people

      3. Well regardless of whatever someone says in a cover letter STILL does nothing showing you who they truly are – it’s always bull crap 💩 … I just have to think of creative ways to catch attention with it. Stand out … but I do always imagine them throwing them away lol

        Yeah I just use it as an advertisement for why they need me and why I’m the one they want lol 😄✌️

        Whatever I do them anyway – but I hate doing them!!!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. 🙏😳 I think so ?? 🙏 a lot of calls to make and what I decide 😮 … just big decisions lately!! All at once

      Can life cut me some slack with throwing things at me all at once!! Can I NOT have life altering things all at once?? Lol ✌️

      Liked by 2 people

  2. My Suze would agree with this 100% at present, in fact l think we both would “Can life cut me some slack with throwing things at me all at once!! Can I NOT have life altering things all at once??”

    Trisha, from what l have read you have good, no great gut instincts – as Gary says you’ll make the right calls – l think that when you give up on ‘Death’, life truly begins – l think that now you are ready to live again and this will mean a whole host of new opportunities will arise for you.

    Cover letters are the bane of society, like leendadll – years ago, l was a recruiter and a headhunter – most employers still work on the old basis of a cover letter – but in today’s world, if you cannot excite your reader in 7 seconds of reading, you are done. Advice would be, have a host of covers ready for different industries – but that front appeal is to sell yourself – one page no more than three paragraphs long – information that grabs the readers eyes. You could if you are able to maybe get a couple of professional cover letters designed that covered more universal grounds. It pays at times to advertise yourself professionally.

    But you are a tough versatile cookie – you’ll find something that will blow your socks off career wise – break a leg Trish 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww 🥰 thank you so very much!! I really appreciate this message!!

      I will reread again later also, so I can absorb better (am at work) but thank you very much 🥰✌️

      Like

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