Wildest dreams

I have my songs shuffling through everything, while I work…

Wanna see me for a second? This is one of my favorite songs always – just something about it?? I dunno if it’s the words or the melody? Or that it makes me dream? Or is soothing?? Or all of it?? No idea – but I love this song… one of my favorites ❤️✌️

www.youtube.com/watch

When I hear that song it makes me smile 😊❤️ it has a warm feeling?? And it’s peaceful ❤️

Ok it distracted me lol 😄✌️

Back to work.

Still breathless

It’s a slow day, which is nice because it’s peaceful.

I still managed to burn my lunch 🤨… I wasn’t paying attention because I was doing paper work.

I ate it anyway cause it’s what I had for lunch lol … I had no back up and not buying anything lol … so crispy burnt – yum! Lol … but really ewwww

Consequences for my actions lol … didn’t pay attention? Got burnt… still had to deal with the consequences cause that’s my lunch. Lol… I should have been more careful.

For every action, there is a reaction. ✌️ make sure you get the right one 😘

Ok so, day going well. Except for lunch lol ✌️😄

I keep hearing noises today lol… please let that be in my own head lol … like knocking lol

I keep looking at the security footage and there is nothing no movement … I walk around and is all normal. So not sure where the knocking coming from??? I’m sure is just my imagination?? I am hoping and telling myself that!! Lol ✌️ please let it be the pipes 🙏

Anyway… it’s just a really quiet peaceful day. Not a lot going on… I still have work but is just chill ❤️

Is clouding up 🤨 … let me check this forecast 🤨… ugghhh gonna get cooked again later this week!!

Ok summer is here – but I say this and the weather keeps going all nuts – doesn’t know what it wants 🤨

The grasses have started turning yellow… not green anymore – now is fire starter – but thankfully we have had some rain and that helps.

Since yesterday…

I am still breathless?? I dunno why? I can’t even explain it? Just breathless??

www.youtube.com/watch

Back to work, be back later tonight 😘✌️

Come together?

Ok so Sunday morning ❤️

Made it to work 💪 with my trusty junker lol … I do love that car ❤️ it’s like that comfy shirt you have … soft against your skin… always so comfortable… not perfect but it just kinda warmly hugs you, always there … yeah I love my piece of shit car lol ❤️ it’s like that.

www.youtube.com/watch

Lol I just find that funny … but mine is not that bad lol – there is no duct tape on my car yet lol ✌️😄

Anyway… so got to work – yay!! I love my car ❤️

It is sunny and beautiful currently but I have no looked at forecast at all. So no idea – it’s pleasantly nice currently so enjoying that ❤️✌️

I kinda have to stay away really a lot from the news right now… I can not take so much fighting constantly over everything!!! And then on top of that the virus!! Oh my god! Too much for me… so can’t right now, kinda heavy

I can’t even comment currently because I feel too much so it will come out harshly. Yeah nope – let’s just say I’m disgusted that racism is still an issue in 2020 after what we just went through together!! I am saddened by what happened and I’m soo sorry. That’s all I’m gonna say cause I can’t just go off

So yeah I have to stay away. Too much hate and anger. I don’t do well with that. ✌️

Anyway… I have to get to work 😘✌️ I be back later

www.youtube.com/watch

Can we come together? Same shit different day!

None of us follow lessons!!! You think we learn but nope… Ok not saying anything else – have to work. ✌️

Baby steps ❤️

Ok that wasn’t so bad lol… sorta …

Literally the minute I posted the last post… my funeral home was surrounded by police and up the street was police ambulance and fire… they had the helicopter 🚁 going … I work in the hood lol ✌️ I do though.

They had all the streets blocked

I’m telling you!!! Really bad day!!

I believe it was a felony assault with vehicle 😮 omg really??? Of all days and all times!! Had to pick then!! Felony assault with a vehicle 🤨😮 so someone tried to run someone else over 😮 Oh my god!

But whatever – keep it comin ✌️

Then the guy comes and picks me up… he’s a young guy? Maybe 30’s? Russian – had a really thick accent… but he was really sweet!! I sat in the back. It’s a rule – with a mask 😷

Then half way home we get caught in this downpour and thunder and lightening all of that. Just total downpour cause you know – why not keep going? Pile it up Lol

But I had a really nice ride – he was nice to talk to and I didn’t feel ?? Uneasy? He talked to me the entire ride lol

And even brought me all the way to my door! 😮 very sweet cause it was down pouring like insane of course and I had all my crap with me!!

I am still totally soaked… head to toe!! Just changed but hair is soaking wet! Like I showered lol

It is still down-pouring… and thundering and lightening … but my landlord recently totally fixed my roof so that’s not leaking at all ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m so happy about that part.

So I am home now. My bed is calling my name but I have to do a couple things 🤨 day is not over 😮

I still don’t have the car back, I’m not sure I will? We see?

I have my other car which I haven’t gotten rid of… it’s kind of a junker – but I love that car and it’s good to me… I needed a new one because it is old and gonna die soon – I was not comfortable with the new car yet, so I waited and did not get rid of it – thank god!!!!!!!

So I still have a car – it was the first thing I ever owned for myself. I love that car – and the back window has Pokémon decals all over it… I bought it because of that and I could afford it. It’s been good to me.

So I started it up – works fine still … I will just use that. It is still registered and insured ❤️ oh thank god ❤️

See I do things that work out ish sometimes lol

This little Toyota just keeps going … the only problem is – there is no ac… is all heat all the time 😳 so… I will look lovely when I arrive places over the summer lol. If I don’t die first lol

But hey – it’s wheels I’ll deal with it ❤️✌️ I can still work tmrw and I am not in complete panic ❤️ ahhh

So whatever.

Bad day… but I took it in stride. Handled it – was a little tense – but ya know … I got this… I have been through worse.

Only a moment in time anyway. Life goes up and down … you roll with what you get.

And also… reasons … there was reasons why I kept the Toyota and didn’t let go yet!!! And there were reasons this other car died like that right now…

Watch it will come together even better than before

You don’t get any rainbows without going through the storms 😘✌️ I can walk through storms no problem (other than a little initial panic lol) but once I absorb it – I get a grip usually … I just don’t like the initial smack down lol

I just have to get over that fear stuff and the trusting thing. I am trying to think differently- that’s hard cause immediately I want my guards up lol… I can’t just simply trust.

And then… the fear thing 🤨 I haven’t figured either thing out yet. I will though eventually

Little by little … baby steps ✌️

www.youtube.com/watch

Stranger

I will read and respond later… I have to finish some stuff. I am so tired!!!

I will be riding home with a stranger 😳 …for like an hour 😳

That will happen at 5:30 😮😳

I’ll start with little fears and work my way up ✌️ ugh … won’t be bad… I will still live lol

Ok so a stranger alright. 5:30 😮 I have an hour and a half 😳

Oh this day!! I want my bed!!!

Hope

Ok… so… I am breathless

How to explain that? So many punches? That you just breathless

I just feel kinda stunned and um?? Just sorta faint ✌️ catching my breath …

Ok so this is on my lap now … ok … I can handle this. I totally can… it’s just one more thing – it’s ok. Having small moments of panic waves 😘✌️

So let me share some stuff – let’s just throw that on there…

Alright … so I am tired … exhausted actually …

But I dunno? I feel something?? Something good?? I dunno it’s just a feeling?? It’s probably nothing?? But all this bad stuff is happening and I feel something else?? So weird – I have no idea??

I am still breathless and panicked – but I feel something else, but more good?

So whatever…

Anyway, I grabbed the Tarot cards a minute ago… I shuffled, and I spread them out.

Thought of what I wanted to know lol… just tell me!!

What’s going to happen to my life?

I drew 5 cards – I picked ones that ?? I dunno?? Called me? Lol ✌️😘

So hey…

Tarot readings and blog — Read on morgantarot.co.uk

http://morgantarot.co.uk

Check me out ❤️✌️… am I understanding correctly?

Here are the cards for what I drew…

1.) Ace of Swords ⚔️ (my present) – reclaiming my vitality, life force and personal power ✌️ (hell yeah!)

2.) Wheel of Fortune 🔮 (my past) – an element of change (yup in many ways!)

3.) 8 of Swords 🗡 (my future) – fear of the future/afraid to be hurt 🤨 dammit!! Nailed it!

4.) Queen of Pentacles 👑 (reason) – need to be able to love self (I do) BUT also… need to be able to not fear change on my journey 🤨 crap – I don’t have that one down yet!!

5.) Ace of Pentacles (my potential) – very positive new beginning on many levels 😮 – yes please – I will have that!! I want my potential lol 😘✌️

Ok so let me say this… I feel overwhelmed – but I also feel something good…

This kinda of makes me panic a little less – helps me breathe… and ya know what? I have “hope” – which I really think is everything ❤️ am a dreamer so whatever lol ✌️

Anyway… I wanted to share my hope through the stupid panic lol … I hope so ❤️

I just have to learn how not to fear. How do you not fear? How do you do it?

What do you fear? How do you handle it? How do you get past it?

I want that… so ok “be fearless” 😳😮😄 I am going to try!!

I have two songs on repeat today…

The first one is because I feel jumbled and breathless… if I am jumbled you gonna hear this sorta stuff lol…

www.youtube.com/watch

And the second one… is because I feel something else coming? I know!!! It’s weird?? I don’t even wanna say that!!!

This song is a little hokey? But it’s calming? And I like it … and I love Jimmy Buffett ❤️✌️so… I wanna be Knee Deep!! Totally!!

www.youtube.com/watch

I just need those on repeat for a little while lol ✌️😘

Anyway… We see what happens 😳 omg … I have to just have faith and trust which I suck at… faith I can kinda do… trust? Nope…

Ok so lessons – work on trust and work on fear lol …great 🤨 that sounds easy 🤨 son of a B

That’s like my ?? Kryptonite!! Oh my god! I just stay away from both of those – fear and trust ugh 🤨😑 ughhh yup- that’s my kryptonite 😑 of course 😑 this is the lessons god keeps throwing at me too!! Dammit

www.youtube.com/watch

Ok but I can do this. I think 😳 …dont think… just try to do lol

I have to change how I am 😮 little bit … oh boy – trust and fear – I don’t wanna do this!! I hate those things!!!

But I want to change that also? So whatever I’ll get there 🤨 MAYBE (bleh!) ✌️… I have hope 😘

Bring it!

Ok so that was an adventure 😳😮😮

So I was driving into work… I was already on the highway. The check engine light came on… and then literally immediately after that… it just decided it was gonna shut the fuck off 🤨😮

I had to coast over to the breakdown lane, and put on my hazards! ⚠️

I called the tow truck, I called my boss got that all squared away… my boss said no problem, thanks for letting me know.

The police did show up… it was California Highway Patrol… CHiPs lol 😄❤️

www.youtube.com/watch

He was wicked nice to me!!! He came over to passenger side and opened the door to talk to me… you ok? What’s your problem?

So I told him car won’t turn on? He told me to try it – let him see

Ok … so put the key in – turned it and nada – nothing

So he asked if I had called AAA – yes sir I have, they on their way.

He said he be back around in a little bit to check on me and make sure I was gone. He smiled the whole time lol – he was very kind.

Tow truck came… checked it out – said possibly timing belt snapped? Ok

So he hooked up the car and we dropped it off at some shop and he was kind enough to take me to work.

Now I just have to figure out how I am getting home. Lol awesome 🤨 I can figure that out later 😞 … can I just sleep here? Lol kidding – god… no way am I sleeping at a funeral home omg no!!! I will find a way home!!!

I got here about 8:45a … phones going Oh my god! And then since we reopening we have rules

Only 24 in a service at a time… seats have to be placed 6feet apart … so I am doing that

Not so great with the boob though. I already hurt but I will take slow and do little at a time, should be fine.

Anyway, I am ??? I am not really sure? Not really sure what to think with things.

Anything else wanna happen?? Bring it! 😘 come at me bro lol ✌️

Ok luckily I have made it to work… so gonna do that for right now! Lol I am at least working – thank god!!

Oh no!!! 😮

I am broken down on the side of road. 🤨 omg – it’s gonna be a day!!

Just called for tow truck…

Just called my boss 😑

It’s gonna be awhile. Omg the cars are just whizzing past me!! I’m am gonna be late to work!! Ugh 😩

And possible thunder storms lol … at least everything matches

Let’s see how long takes for police to come by – oh god

So alright – my car just died while driving. It won’t even turn on now. Awesome 🤨

Mellow night …

We had a good night. Was fun. Kinda mellow, but we laughed a lot.

We ate dinner… the younger ones were eating dinner still – they are so slow lol… so oldest and I played a couple quick card games.

Then he says to me – do you want to play a game with a lot of rules? 😳🤨 … uhhh that does not sound fun at all lol 🤨

He says “no mum, lemme explain it to you, it’s fun” 🤨

Ok fine, go ahead …explain

He starts in with a game similar to “War” … if you don’t know War… is a CARD game!! Most people know it.

You deal out all the cards … then each player shows the top card of their pile, whoever has the largest suit gets everyone’s card … you continue this until your pile is gone, then you shuffle all the cards you’ve won and keep going like that- until ONE person has every card lol – you fight to own the deck lol

Anyway whatever – then the rules switch to something similar to “Slap” … so in this one you put down a card … let’s say a 3 of diamonds… the next person lays down a card … maybe 10 of hearts ? And the next person goes – when another 3 of whatever appears – because 3 was the very first card – you slap the deck 🙄 … you get all the cards in that pile. Again get all the cards

And then it changes into some other card game with even more rules – he somehow merged like every single card game into ONE 🤨😄

Maybe another time lol, too long and involved for tonight – so we played 2 other pretty cool quick games he showed me …

The 2 younger ones finally finish and come to join us.

My oldest has a new game…

He gets really excited about his games?? Lol – I know that excitement over something you love, he gets that from me ❤️

The 18 year old … he’s quirky lol … I don’t know how else to explain him lol … he is more of a pessimist than an optimist… he’s a little lazy and complains a lot sometimes lol

Anyway… my oldest does not have the gift of explaining games to people who have never played.

His explanations are hard to follow, and he takes explaining the instructions very seriously lol 😄😄… kinda military-ish lol

Possibly so we don’t know what we are doing and he can always win lol 😄🤨

But I understood the game…

The 18 year old was bored with his instructions and the game does look and seem confusing – the 18 year old didn’t wanna play that, so he complained lol … over every single rule!!

Oldest would calmly and seriously explain each rule – and after each explanation the 18 yr old complained and was kinda moody?

Oldest got mad at him – my oldest very rarely ever gets mad. He’s very patient understanding and kind… but 18 was being annoying lol

We all have days … but as soon as oldest voice went stern … ok we playing and we gonna enjoy this lol

Everyone got all excited also for this game lol…

He was really excited to play this game with us and it meant a lot to him… 18 yr old was being a brat at first.

But he straightened right up … he didn’t stay a brat …he loves his brother – all 3 of them are really close, I raised them to be close. ❤️

I just want them to have each other, when one day I am gone. It’s important to me. So I just made sure they would be close. I’ve always spent a lot of time with them ❤️ I love them so much!!

Anyway… we all did that for oldest because meant a lot to him so we enjoyed the game with him. It ended up being a pretty decent game…

Is called “Alicemanic Heroes” Lol … is extremely loosely based off of Alice in Wonderland ? Kinda?? But then it also reminds me of Risk? Lol

I did not win 🤨😄✌️

But my oldest did not win either 😮😱😱😱😄😄

Tonight’s win goes to my daughter who silently went unnoticed lol… and then took the win 😄… no one saw that coming lol

Her smile was HUGE 😄😄❤️

Oldest then remarked … well I did help you a few times

Lol… we teased him and laughed because he just has to win. Even if he loses 😄✌️

After that, 18 yr old starts getting ready to leave and oldest wants to play another game – but this took us HOURS lol – I have to work tmrw – so was time to go

I walk them to their car…

Umm… I sensed something?? I dunno ?? Not sure yet??

But I was hugging and kissing them goodbye…

I’ve been noticing something the past few times? My oldest kinda holds on to me??

Tonight he did it again??

You know when… ?? … you hug someone who you love very much and who means a lot to you …and you don’t want to let go?

Like you are trying to savor every single second you can? Their touch, their smell, their feel? Like you are trying to imprint that in your mind and soul? Do you understand??

That’s how he’s been hugging me 😮 just like that. He did that tonight?? Almost like he’s afraid he’s gonna lose me or something??

I dunno??

He is careful when he hugs me, they all are… because of my stuff lol … they are afraid to hurt me.

He put his arms around me and just engulfed me. He’s so much bigger than me now. And then he just held me really close, and didn’t seem to want to let go???

I’m not sure what’s up? Is he imprinting me just in case anything happens? Which sends a chill up my spine

Or is he going through something?? He will be quiet when he’s going through something – he would do that sorta stuff too… I comfort him, so he wants to hold that close? Is a comfort to hug your mom?

So I am not really sure??

Anyway just noticed that.

Was a good night… I’m just kind of mellow though? Kinda quiet – been busy. Have a lot on my mind.

Anyway- I work tmrw ❤️ woo hoo!! I get to work both days!!! I love my job there!!

But I do have to get to sleep – it’s really late. I’ll be back tmrw.

Gnite 😘✌️

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