Rethinking…

So I have to rethink something…

I always try to take jobs that benefit me somehow?

The police… I love my police ❤️ I took them because I knew I would be safe, I was aiming to get out of domestic violence, and I knew no one – I knew if I took them, I would know my community. I really love my police because they were my first step out ❤️

And then the golf course… hmm I didn’t go after them – they came after me… I was approached for that one.

When I first started, I hated it!! Omg … it was overwhelming cause I got hit on constantly. Plus I was stiff… before kids I was only in office environments – I know office environments well…

But a golf course is sports entertainment, different than what I knew. And it dealt with men, alcohol and sales – none of which are my thing lol… I like men, but I am just cautious because of past so just careful. I don’t want just anyone. I don’t want anything arrogant, superficial or bad. I needed time to heal?

So I hated that job at first!! But I promised myself to give it a month, if I still hate after a month – I would see what I want to do.

I ended up loving it – and was probably my most favorite job ever, of all ❤️❤️❤️ I could say anything I wanted – and it gave me training how to handle guys lol … it allowed me to laugh and have fun every single day… I got close to my regulars, I had really amazing people there ❤️ plus everyone was always happy to see me… I always smile in general – but that job had my smile coming from the soul ❤️ seriously best job ever ❤️ so I stayed… they even were supportive through all my losses and things I went through – most amazing people ever ❤️ I fricken love golf, and I miss that job sooo much!!

Then I got breast cancer. I had to give it up through all of that… breast cancer took that all away.

I can’t go back cause now I have limitations. 😔 I have no feeling on big area of my right side and arm, plus issues with that right side – ok so time to move on

I can’t just have fun all the time 😄😄❤️ I wish though!!!

So I made it through the breast cancer and I needed something else …

During the cancer I had to “give up my life” to fight through that. I really hated that and everything was so hard to go through! By the time I finished – I was tired and kinda sad… I couldn’t go back to golf… so now what?

Well I am a mom, I love kids… I am comfortable with kids – they have an honesty to them… I am at ease with kids… so I aimed at working with kids…

My police helped me with recommendation letters to land a job at a school… I worked with kids from ages Kindergarten through 12th grade …

No one knew I had just battled breast cancer, and I didn’t get hit on… and those kids were so full of life and dreams ❤️

In a different way, those kids made me smile every single day!!! I miss my kids!!! ❤️

They were funny and just amazing!! I got close to all of them and their families! We had the best kids ever!! They trusted me and came to me with everything when they couldn’t go to anyone else ❤️

I loved being with those kids – they gave me life back after cancer ❤️❤️❤️

But I still needed something else to survive so… what else?

Well because I lost my family boom boom boom 💥… one right after the other – so I never really had time to process… so that still weighed on me… how do I fix that?

So I decided since death came at me, instead of letting it consume me with grief… I was gonna aim at it… I knew I could connect with others deeply in the sense of loss, and maybe that would also help me?

It has helped, I did connect. It allowed me to process the deaths and also see different.

For maybe 2 weeks I had a balance with kids giving me life and death letting me process.

On March 16th, 2020… I got called into the principals office and told we shutting down momentarily… I was not allowed to tell the kids or say anything because parents were not yet notified.

March 17th, 2020 was my last day… I knew I would never see them again 💔 they were a HUGE part of my life and they had no idea the life they breathed back into me ❤️ … I had to look at their faces knowing what I knew, and I couldn’t say goodbye. I miss them so much!! ❤️ I hope they are doing well – I think of them all the time!

So then I luckily still had the funeral home. That was deemed essential. I never expected death to come in my life like that 😮 but it did

I found myself alone literally – with death!! But if I had not turned to death I would not have had a job at all!

I was lucky I did that… I could still work! And I got to be by myself… I loved it, and it helped me slowly ❤️ I got to see death from another angle 📐 and be free.

So that brings me here. I think my time with death is over? It is time to move forward again… I don’t need death anymore. 😮

I’m thinking that even though I do love it for reasons… oddly – totally not a weirdo lol … I just love it because I connect there, and there is a calm and a peace.

Anyway… I do think it doesn’t match up with who I am? I do have a calm … but maybe I need life again? And there is too much going on… if my doctor knew the stress- he would have my head… and I need more hours, more money and benefits… I would like to not become a customer yet!! Lol

I only expected death to be temporary and not so engulfing of my life – the more I stay… the more it engulfs

Alright so… what do I want now? I have a couple options… I’m just trying to figure out my aim and direction.

With that blow up yesterday… it is going to rain down, and unless they gonna offer full time, more money and benefits – yeah I’m not doing that.

And that was a sign to get out now. There have been other signs also.

So yeah… let me aim again – what do I want and need? Ok lol this should be interesting 😮❤️

Gonna read comments, but I be back tonight 😘✌️

Mystery

So wow, ok this is my week of mystery 😳😮 whoa!!!

I can’t even go into to what happened today at work 😮😮 omg – shit went down 😳😮 … huge massive shit…it was earth shattering!!!

Not for me… however – it will effect me. Ugh 🤦‍♀️

Now it puts me in position.

You know that saying – strike while the iron is hot?

I am really NOT that type. And in order to even do that, I need a back up. I am working on the back up – I just didn’t expect or see the explosion today 😳😮 … it was a really huge thing!!

I am a little stunned by the events which I can not speak about.

So my thing I have to learn 🤨😝… is how to um??

Ok well… I am nice and sweet and just a hard worker. I am not cut throat. I don’t wanna be cut throat. Realize what you have so you don’t lose it… do you follow?

Yeah whatever – this week I am being VERY cryptic – I have to be on all these things… the thing from yesterday – I am cryptic because I wanna hit it first before I say… then I be all excited with that chip on my shoulder ✌️ 😄😘 – let me hit it first then I will say – is nothing bad – all good stuff

Today’s stuff …legally I can not speak of 😳😮 whoa 😮😳

Today was really bad for someone … 😳😮

This is way too crazy!

So today, that went down. All hell broke loose 😮😮

I hear that saying from time to time, but today – that happened 😮

And you would totally think it is boring and weird at my work… but no, there are things 😮 crazy things

This is going to add more pressure , not just on me, but all of them. So what to do.

The funny thing is… I keep getting these weird things happening … at first just small little things – like songs or something? Or just something

I would think it was that I was meant to be here? A sign for me to stay… and I do love it there!!

I love being tucked away, I don’t have to worry about being hit on for the most part … is only when I deal with people sometimes but even that is rare cause is a professional business … but it does happen – just not all crazy. I like the peace of it… I am with a lot of women… and let me add many of them are fricken hilarious!!! I really love my girls!!

I love helping the families, and all that!!! It has been beneficial for me tremendously!! It has allowed me to see death from the other side? Not just the devastation of loss… I see death different – not the crazy punch it used to be

I can connect to the families and the losses – some stay with you and you didn’t even know them

The thing I have a problem with is separating my own heart from business … you need heart… I just don’t see the line in business?

I dunno I am learning – I am also babbling cause I am trying to think of how I would like to proceed

I hate that I can’t say stuff this week… cause I totally want advice!! Meh!!!

I am not good in this area

All of this, is going to 2020 my life!! 360 change down the board…

But like I was saying before… about the signs – ya know – I dunno I don’t really know about signs – is that really a thing? But all those little things just kept increasing…

And now is really LOUD signs… but not the way I thought 😮

This week I am cryptic… or mysterious lol 😘… I like it when it’s “me” doing that… I like a little mystery ✌️ – this is not me doing it – maybe yesterday but not today

But on the other end of that – I suck at catching clues with cryptic messages or mysteries without a decoder ring or something lol

I am learning to catch those – still suck at it… but let’s see what happens

I’m a little torn. Not really sure – which is WHY I want advice in the first place, on things I can not speak of 🤨

Go with my gut… yes I know… I will make the right choices… I just don’t like pushy – life is being pushy lol

I like to “feel” the water first… not jump right in. Life is gonna “throw” me in, if I don’t jump myself 🤨

Tomorrow – I am not working… they wanted and needed me Wednesday – but I already took that other thing. Thank god I mentioned that last week!! That was meant to be then. At least I am thankful for that for reasons

So tomorrow – day off … Wednesday work other thing… we see how that goes. I’m still not too sure. But ya know is extra… so we see

And then Thursday – not sure and Friday for sure.

So what day is it? Monday? Omg – what is next?? So fluid!!

More change 😮❤️

So today … was amazing … for many reasons!!

First of all, I was all by myself for most of the day… secondly, I got relief for lunch so I actually got to leave the building for a minute – it was massively smoky… but I was free for a minute and all day I was swimming in paperwork.

I got a lot of work done – and no calls ❤️

Also… I had a life changing event today… I’m gonna leave you curious on that one- cause I gotta work it, and I’m not quite sure where is going to take me… so yeah I’ll be mysterious right there – until I work my magic ❤️ I just got a total sign!! For sure!! 🙏 I’ll tell you all of that in the future once I handle 😘

I’m pretty sure my car is on it’s last leg. So I will have to think how to handle that.

And then… yeah anyway… pretty good day! I just got my answer on something pretty huge that I umm hesitate on.

I won’t hesitate anymore… I got this now ❤️

I am excited – and do think is good… but I’m also slightly nervous. Half of me thinks I can do anything lol… a huge half! Lol … and I know I can… but a small part of me, thinks my head gets way ahead of me thinking I can do anything lol

But we see. I’m gonna try. 🙏

And yes… I’m gonna be cryptic – until I get that done. But I will be really excited if I can do it lol.

Also… if I say it too soon … I don’t want to jinx it – so just wait for it lol ✌️😘 – but I will be really excited ❤️❤️❤️ it’s very hard to hold back on this cause there is a huge story behind it!! But I have to wait… patience is definitely a virtue ✌️

Ok so I had a good day, my life just got an answer for my own self (totally excited, trying not to be overly excited) and I made it home 😄😘

Alright whew – I have a lot to catch up on so doing that now ❤️✌️

Tomorrow I work at ugly walls… which I do not really like the place – but I love the girls ❤️✌️

Ok catching up – or trying to 😘 Gnite ✌️

Ps… my neighbor guy just knocked on my door to tell me – just FYI I am going to be shooting blanks for training ok…

Umm sure thanks for telling me so I don’t freak out that someone shooting lol

So whatever, nice he tell me cause 5 minutes later I just had a heart attack with the gun 🔫 shot sounds – I believe is a rifle and that shit is LOUD!! Thank god he tell me what he doing – I would have totally panicked!!

Good Morning ☀️

Or day… whatever time it is where you are.

I have been so busy and tired with everything going on! Whew!

Friday night after I picked my neighbors up at airport, we did not get back until midnight – and I had to leave for work at 7am on Saturday. As soon as we got back – I went to bed right away!!!

Saturday was crazy busy – we had that huge service, which we streamed live on Facebook Live… went well – very sad.

And when I got home yesterday I was exhausted and literally went to bed at 7pm 😮

My guard has been up a little bit with certain things…

I dunno. It’s just weird… I’m cautious.

I was talking to my connection about my car and she says to me – oh he was asking how old you are? 🤨

🤔 hmm why gotta know my age to work on my car? It could be just because my oldest came with me to get the car and I introduced him as my son lol

So maybe that is it, I definitely don’t look old enough to be his mom. He is 26 lol – so at the very least that right there places me somewhere in my 40’s. Maybe he thought I was young? But I am cautious – so now I pay attention to that. Careful. ✌️

Anyway, that kinda stuff been happening all weekend. I kinda stay quiet and mysterious lol ✌️

I do think I have an issue with the car still?? I am not sure though but I am thinking yes.

I do think I will have to bite the bullet and get another car.

I am not going to do new. I just can’t – that would be too much for me to take on- I get what my landlord says, appreciate the advice – but I know what’s best for my own self. I’m gonna trust myself to handle how I think – so far I do pretty good with that ❤️

I would love another Toyota ❤️ Toyota’s and Subaru’s are my favorite. (Except Prius – I hate Prius)

Someone told me Volkswagen – nope!!! Not doing that… if I need repairs – that is expensive. So nope 👎

I don’t like Honda – definitely NOT Ford. Those are completely out – I am very opinionated with vehicles.

So this should be a fun adventure 🤨😄✌️

I just think my little car is not going to last much longer – I think it’s ready to die?

So we see – I will move slow… is giving me time to move “somewhat” slow currently- so we see – just not too slow, cause I don’t want it to die and then have me panic and race to find something. I do love that car ❤️

Yesterday at work – We have a service coming up this week and the woman is so mean… like incredible mean, no matter how much you kiss her ass – she doesn’t care and talks down and is just really mean – we doing backflips for her…

She is a bully and then if she doesn’t get exactly what she wants – she cries 😳 ummm … ok whatever

We deal with grieving families – and then ya know I think of my mom… when we lost my dad – that was trauma… and with Alzheimer’s or anything with the mind – that can really do a job on someone’s behavior. The mind is very complex. Trauma can make other issues more pronounced!!

Also let me also say this… preplan preplan preplan!!! You don’t know how many times I watch grieving families just completely lose it, cause they are lost and have no idea what they are doing – or anything about this business!!!

When you preplan, it is easier on your family. They don’t have to worry about money or what you want – it’s been taken care of. And when you preplan you can pay over time, rather than all right away. And also you lock in prices… if you paid for your funeral in 1970, and you die now? You still have it all covered as you wanted it – no matter what current prices are – with the exception of if the family orders any extra things.

Anyway – also prevents fights. There is nothing worse that seeing a devastating loss and watching 2 sides of that family go at it!! Ugh that is the worst!!! I cringe with that! I’m not gonna say anymore – let’s just say it gets bad. I saw the worst of the worst recently! 😮 I was stunned – I never knew some could be so ?? I don’t even know!

Ok anyway.. whatever – I am at work again … so I have to get to it… ahhhh fricken Sunday ❤️ I love Sunday – I be back to respond and read maybe probably tonight 😘

My favorite song right now is this one… not for any reason btw… I just like the melody and familiarity ❤️ it rolls ❤️

www.youtube.com/watch

Here is the original ❤️ which I also adore ❤️❤️❤️ it’s Frank Sinatra – how do you not melt??? ❤️❤️

www.youtube.com/watch

Human kindness ❤️

Today I picked up my car. My oldest son took me. ❤️

I knew the connection I have to this car guy, knows him… but I didn’t know how well.

I don’t ever mention my cancer to people – only if you knew me while I was going through it, would you know… very few know.

Although I do have one scar that is always purple… is on my right side and up high – you can see it with pretty much all shirts unless is a turtle neck, which I do not wear in summer lol omg

Only a few have asked me about the scar – generally though people don’t say anything and I don’t tell. I don’t want that face people have when you say you have had cancer …

Instantly that face makes me feel emotion, so it’s just better if I don’t mention. I don’t like that emotions because is like a tidal wave, and makes me feel it. I don’t like feeling that one.

Anyway, I didn’t know he knew! And I also didn’t know he himself had cancer 😮

My connection texted me and said he’s a really gruff guy until you know him and then he’s the biggest sweetheart.

He’s never actually been gruff with me. He’s always been kind – I wonder how long he knew? The whole time?

Every time I call, he answers and I say hello, this is Trisha, just checking on my car, how are you?

And I do sense he softens… and he always says “oh you know, living the dream” lol – that always makes me laugh

Today when he said that (he always says that lol) but today he couldn’t remember what day it was … cause he said “oh living the dream on a Wednesday or umm Thursday”

I am like that all the time cause my weeks are not typical Monday through Friday – and sometimes it gets so busy you forget if you are coming or going lol… I also sometimes have to stop and think which work place I am at – I am usually neck deep in paperwork and the phone rings – I have to remember where I am lol

Anyway, that was really touching. I’ve been little worried with things and that car was a worry. So it just meant a lot as is…

And then when I learned he knew about my stuff and he himself knew those things – it just touched me even more.

I usually don’t stop to remember or think of my cancer. Cause you know – like I said, the emotions. They are heavy.

I help others who have medical issues and alot of people with cancer and it doesn’t bother me. I focus on them – not me. Mine is over. For now anyway. 🙏

I had many jump to my aid when I went through it and it helped me through all of it… but once it was done – I wanted nothing more to do with it… so I kinda just went silent with it

My school didn’t know when I got that job. Neither did my funeral homes until recently

My landlord knew but she didn’t know was so recent from when she met me. A month after surgery I acted like normal, nothing happened.

And I work so hard, I remember all of it, but I like to forget. It is very emotional.

I was already thankful and touched that he wasn’t charging me! I didn’t understand why? He runs a business – and he’s a car guy. It’s not typical. I was thankful but confused cause totally was expecting to be charged.

And then when my connection told me, he knew and he also battled cancer – that kinda just ?? I dunno? It made me cry little bit …

It just hit me in that soft spot. Ya know.

Most of the time I just try to handle everything, and I do ok… I don’t stop to mess with emotions and on things I can put behind me – I don’t think about.

So it just ya know, hit the heart?

Someone just gave me human kindness ❤️

And I do have human kindness a lot… in general… I get that from people alot… but not usually at businesses or regarding money.

So that was very nice, I am very touched.

I have my car back tonight ❤️ that was very kind!

I had a really good day off… didn’t really sleep in – but I never do… I want to, and I try – I slept until 6am which is later than I usually wake up.

Then there was all that.

And then came home, helped my daughter with few things, cooked – I had cried when he first said not charging, just a little bit cause it took me by surprise. I’ve been tense.

So I laid down and got a little nap too! I never do that, but I’m so exhausted lately.

Tmrw I have day off also, but I have to run out really early in morning, and then I will wash the neighbors red truck – I was going to do today but that didn’t happen. She was kind enough to let me use, I have filled it up and will wash it.

My boys will come tmrw night and then after they leave I head to airport and grab neighbors

So I might nap again tmrw cause then I work early early on Saturday! We have HUGE service on Saturday!! 😮

And then I work Sunday, Monday, not sure what other day they want me… and Wednesday I start that cleaning job. Ugh busy

So today and tmrw are much appreciated ❤️ a moment

Alright well was a good day ❤️✌️

Classic for you …

www.youtube.com/watch

Again 😮

So my car guy called… he replaced my thermostat and said he check for leak – no leak

He said the gage broken and to order from Toyota is like $180… he said it will look like overheating but is not – and to ignore … say he drove around and was fine. I trust him

I ask how much I owe and he say he not going to charge me 😮 that’s 3 times!! 😮🥰❤️

All 3 times!!!

He knows my connection well, so I don’t know if that is it? Or what 😮😮

I asked if I can get little longer out of the car and he say oh yes.

I expected to pay at least $200 – he replace my thermostat!!

My connection just texted me cause I mention all this to her… and she said…

Did he tell you he battled cancer last year? He also knows your situation so that might be why he doesn’t charge you

I tear up … makes me want to cry ❤️ not badly just touched

I can pick car up whenever I want ❤️ arranging ride now

Finally a day off…

So today is a day off… an actual day off! 😮

I was supposed to meet with lawyer this morning – but they called me yesterday and asked to reschedule due to unforeseen emergency. Which is fine – I know how that goes.

We rescheduled for the 30th

So that opens up my day.

Talked to my car guy yesterday – he said he will change the thermostat cause it was not letting cool air in. And then after he does that he will see if any other issues. There is that leak. I’m pretty sure there is a leak on the coolant.

I was looking at cars and tried to see about maybe prequalifying online and it told me… oh sorry that’s for people with really bad credit and bad situations like bankrupts etc

Ok well I don’t have that, but ya know – I got a situation lol… that’s dumb … let me just do that so if I do actually do that… I can be ready to go… boom here you are

I don’t want to deal with car salesmen… I don’t like car guys – and definitely not pushy ones

I wanna be like …I want this – you either do or you don’t – I’m not budging – so don’t try to push.

I know my landlord thinks new is good and better – but I don’t think I am comfortable or can do that? I will check it out and have my little attitude on lol (I do not want push – never push, I turn the other way) especially with these car salesmen.

I just think is too much – I get what she says… I won’t have to worry about problems… “with the Car”

But I will worry with the money. I dunno we see

Anyway… I have some stuff I am thinking about with work too…

I asked for Wednesdays and that’s not a problem …

They tell me plan is after end of quarter they want to get me full time… cause the district manager and office manager needs back up huge.

And I love my girls very much – enjoy them completely… but I have a couple concerns.

I’ll be back to mention those ✌️

Not a day off

I was totally thinking was Tuesday – whatever

But my boss texted me at 6am asking if I would work today from 10am-2pm … so going to do that and get out of way so that I can have my Friday FREE ❤️❤️❤️ woo hoo!!

And I guess I will talk to district manager today about having Wednesday’s off … so ya know we see

I be back later to read – I will get to it eventually 😘✌️ work work work lol

But I do have Friday off

When is the next shut down? I miss that 😘✌️

On camera & other things

So today went well. Just did training – nothing overly exciting…

What I didn’t know is that we were all going to be on camera – ugh 😝😝😝 I just don’t like that.

I like my privacy – it feels like an invasion of privacy a little bit – they know what I look like – why you gotta see me? To make sure I am not making faces? Lol

My profile for the company has my photo – is that not good enough? Lol … is it more exciting to sit there and watch me listen… cause I don’t talk…

Although one subject they actually went around and asked all of us about… so I did have to speak – I just don’t like this everyone on camera stuff 😝😝😝 why???

I am not in school… they know what I look like and they know I am at work 🤨 is this necessary? I can listen in on the phone… or is it they wanna make sure I am paying attention? And not falling asleep? Lol 😝 I’m listening!

I just didn’t know and walked into that today… how do you make a webcam camera not work? Lol

I’m kidding – a little bit but not really lol ✌️ I don’t like it. I don’t see the point

Anyway… called the car guy today to check in about my car – he is still looking at it, and will get back to me… in the meantime I have to use the cherry 🍒 red truck with kisses 💋💋 OMG – killing me!!

I will never buy a red vehicle 🚗!! 😝😝😝 it’s like a spotlight and those kisses!! Could it be any more attention drawing??

So anyway … I can’t keep waiting for them and hoping that they gonna give me benefits and full time… my car is dying and I will struggle the more they wait… so they are gonna lose me soon.

I’m looking. Actively

Remember the guy I picked up from hospital yesterday? He said if I clean his house for him once a month he would pay me for that.

But he wants the same day every week… so I’m just going to tell work… I am not going to be able to work on that day.

It can’t be on the weekends cause they desperately need help on weekends… and I work Mondays …

I think I will pick Wednesday?

So I have to break that to work, maybe they up their game but I doubt it – is a corporation … they only about money, not employees. We see.

In any event will help.

I told that to my landlord… and she got all worried… she’s had breast cancer too… you’re not supposed to stress

She said “you are working yourself too much”

But ya know… you do that. The courts aren’t going to help any… so I have to. I have a child.

So anyway… I’ll do the cleaning thing for awhile – while I look for better

I will miss certain aspects of this job… I kinda like it… but there is office drama 🙄😑 and they do overwork you

And another thing I am learning is that… is such a tight little niché – the funeral business … that everyone knows everyone else no matter what funeral home you work at!! They all know each other 😮

I find that a little funny

You just know everyone who deals with death lol – they are all really funny though ❤️ very good personalities usually… still office drama like high school but good compassionate people – very thoughtful

Anyway the cleaning job will help a little until either they step up or I step out. ✌️

And if I have to get another car… the money from cleaning will cover that. So I could potentially swing it ❤️ see no worries lol

Just don’t talk to my landlord lol… she will tell you I do too much. It is just for the moment while I get it handled. I can’t depend the courts will help at all because they haven’t – so ya know whatever – I got it

With my car and doing 3 locations and raising a child, ya know they have to step up or they lose a good employee during a hiring freeze. So life goes on. ✌️

I meet with lawyer on Thursday – I really don’t expect much. It’s always been that way.

Work has me for 4 more hours. So they didn’t say need me tmrw … but maybe Wednesday – cause I can not on Thursday and then possibly Friday… but hopefully not. I don’t want to work Friday – and I have my Friday night with kids and after they leave I have to go pick up my neighbors using his big giant truck!! 😮😮😮 in the dark cause will be approx 11pm when their plane lands

But is only 4 hours so whatever

So I do believe I have tmrw off ❤️ woo hoo!

And now I just have to tell work – I can’t work Wednesday’s… I have to think of how to word that.

3 locations, part time, hour away, gas, car etc… so yeah they gonna have to make a decision here cause I can’t make it work with all those miles on my little car.

I am a little nervous to see what my car guy will say… but the offer of the cleaning job came at a good time

I didn’t even mention a word to him about anything… he just texted me that offer today.

I am a little leery … only because yesterday when I picked him up from the hospital – he was all drugged up from the surgery…

The nurse and me got him into the truck, and on the way home he say he hungry. I asked if he wanted me to stop somewhere and grab food for him…

And he said… well I want to actually sit down and eat, will you come to a sit down restaurant with me to eat?

I said no I have my daughter – I have to get home. I just figured he asked that because he was drugged up and also was not allowed to eat before surgery for like 48 hours or something?

But anyway… I said no, and again I asked if he want me to stop, and grab something quick for him? He said no to that. So ok – I brought him to his house.

I helped him inside and to lay down, he was really out of it… I went to get him some water and I came back and he was out.

So I just quietly left, locking door behind me.

I didn’t mention anything about my life and he doesn’t know much about my life. I am just quiet and cautious.

He knows I work for funeral homes but I don’t say anything about work because I do know it makes him uncomfortable. And especially with his cancer stuff

So whatever – I don’t tell him anything about my life. I keep distance. Low key. I be a friend and help but that’s it.

So I dunno… cause that dinner invite and he was drugged up… but that made me feel uneasy. I just brushed it off that he didn’t know what he was saying. He was out of it completely

It was around lunch time he texted me about helping him with cleaning the house.

I just let it sit there for awhile. Cause I dunno. I am careful

My fear is he wants to get me close to know me… so I want to make sure is ok and not that – I just feel uneasy.

But then I was thinking – I’m going to have to handle this car situation and that would let me do that. Without worry. Cause you know – I worry

And I don’t want him um? I don’t want him trying to know me.

He can’t handle my work talk so that right there makes me uneasy.

So I’m going to have to tread very carefully there. For now we see. I guess is ok. I can always stop if it’s not good. I just don’t trust. So we see.

On another subject… my daughter … her typing is hilarious … her little fingers been typing since she was an infant… so she flies … before COVID in school – the teachers would have her sit at the computer and be the one to type out the notes for the kids because she flies! Lol

Sometimes people think she is just hitting keys really fast… I’m telling you it’s fast!! I have never seen someone so fast. Probably like 500 words a minute lol – it’s insane

I mention that currently because she is on the computer next to me and her little fingers are setting that keyboard on fire lol- she is using “Discord” with her friends (I call it “disillusion” lol) she always rolls her eyes lol

But she doesn’t miss a letter or a key and can do with eyes closed lol 😮 it’s both weird and incredible at the same time!!

And she doesn’t even use correct finger placement! I should have her tested and see what her speed actually is lol – now I am curious!

I will read tmrw since I have day off ❤️ I’m kinda tired, and thinking too much. 😘 was a good day though

Minus the stupid zoom meeting thing 😝😝😝 can we not do that? Or do by phone?? Why you gotta see me?

Oh yeah, is not AS smoky – not raining ash anymore… but is still smoky and they say our air is like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day 😮… they say don’t be outside unless you have to… and is very unhealthy .

Ok I have to go to bed… I am tired… good night for now 😘✌️

Busy

At work, busy busy… trying to get everything done – pretty mellow, couple meetings – lots of paper work. Getting a lot done. Just ate lunch.

Waiting to hear on my car… talked to guy this morning. They are checking everything out for me… I trust him… I have dealt with him before and know I can trust him. 🙂 I feel ok with whatever he tells me 🙏 hoping for best!! Prepared for worst ✌️

After work, grabbing that friend at the hospital and I’ll drop him off at his house and make sure he is ok… then I will head home.

I called my daughter to check on her a little while ago, school went well…

And I told her what’s going on, and I apologized for being so busy with so many things 😕

And my little lady said… Mum that’s ok, I got things here – I know that is the life of being an adult ❤️ she said don’t worry, I’ll pick up the slack on this end.

She totally almost made me cry… I just feel bad cause didn’t get home until 9pm last night and then tonight maybe 7/7:30?

Friend has surgery at 3pm… should be maybe 2-3 hours and then I bring home. I get home as soon as I can. Whew

Ok I can’t read or anything currently – but at some point I will 😘✌️

Back when able 😘

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