The Beautiful Experience

https://youtu.be/FuXbKLiW1UI?si=6R_pGl_TmcgHp9fj

Guy is doing it right – Omg!!

But let’s discuss hate first. That’s all part of the beautiful experience 😉😘 lol

Satan is trying to change custody because I am custodial parent. He also says I making money I am not reporting which is untrue and I can prove that. Again just saying what a horrible awful person I am …

But… I have letters of recommendation from the police, golf course, customers, friends, funeral people to prove my character and a bank account to prove what he say is not true

He is trying to say I deserve nothing – not support for daughter nothing and that I should be responsible for all his legal fees and my own

So he is absolutely gonna try to crush me – alright – not my first rodeo with this Asshole and I have everything to lose

So prepare shits about to go down

I am going to fight Satan

https://youtu.be/F8Cg572dafQ?si=54XwAsvsNeevMfR4

It’s going down FOR REAL!! Ok here we go 😮

https://youtu.be/bxV-OOIamyk?si=LqzsLs3wFKnRvbsl

Fuckin monster!! Nothing you could say that could take away my deepest hatred for him!! No words can explain the deepness

https://youtu.be/vimZj8HW0Kg?si=WWBcfiuW0Axx3uM-

I have everything to lose – so that bitch of a Satan better be ready – remember you reap what you sow.

He is a monster so ok – fight… I am way better lover than fighter – but if you leave me no choice ok – I will fight – bitch be ready …cause F U!!

https://youtu.be/fHC05_9b0gw?si=q8kcYAH7Wt6P4SZF

He must have a very sad existence and life to constantly try to crush me. He is sadist and wants to make sure I suffer at his hands always

https://youtu.be/8SeRU_ZPDkE?si=96tlXQl1nVj5adSb

No man will ever own me ever ever EVER again!!!

So bring that shit bitch

But I do teeter to having that strength and being really scared because I trust nothing – but is do or die now – alright – bring it! 🇺🇸 you wanna force me to fight – fine

I do believe I am ready 💋

Ok so there is a lot going on – so I am tackling one thing at a time. Ugh 😩 – ok

I have silence because I am preparing my method of attacks 💋✌️ … don’t fuckin underestimate me

And moving on to something else within the beautiful experience … lol … the opening line in that song by Prince just says everything lol 😄

So new guy 😮😮😮 damn the boy is good!!

He is incredible 😮

Treats me like gold 😮 damn boy

Ok well he is younger by 2 years – but he’s completely in love

He respects my boundaries and my quirks … I do not feel afraid at all

He accepts my slowness and never tries anything I am uncomfortable with – is always respectful of how I feel, who I am and what I want

He knows the one thing I want and is completely on board with it – I never even had to say a word

He is an action man – anyone can say words – but this man is all actions … and good ones not sucky ones 😄

Is gentleman and then that’s gonna make me just completely want him so we see 😮

https://youtu.be/UrIiLvg58SY?si=TojuQat82-SrqqJZ

He is different – we click … he cares, he is present – not engulfed in social media or society ❤️ I love that!

We can speak honestly and he likes my calmness and understands my need to have such peace from the world ❤️ he gets it

https://youtu.be/lp-EO5I60KA?si=hxznB1-0SQ6l94W-

He is sweeping me off my feet 😮

He wants to be the reason I smile … he wants to be there and knows what he wants – is kind and compassionate and protective – ding ding ding 🛎️ lol ❤️ his humanity and human kindness is beautiful in a man 😮

I thought they broke the mold for men like this 😮 he has old soul like I do.

He is like this with me :

https://youtu.be/WQnAxOQxQIU?si=th5IDjJbfAuooMSr

😮😮 and he’s busy like me – so my job not even an issue ❤️

He wants to always be caring and so sweet to me – he always asks if is anything I need. I always say “no, just you” 😘

I have told him everything – so he gives me strength and keeps wanting to make me happy and feel safe ❤️

Dude watch it!

You gonna make me say the L word 😮

https://youtu.be/2-MBfn8XjIU?si=_44SdjqFShqNnHjX

So careful – you have to be careful in all kinds of ways lol … but I think he wants that and doesn’t mind that 😮

He doesn’t try to overpower or be a pompous ass – he is always checking to see what I want or wish 😮

He’s like me – he watch me too – we see true colors at same time with each other

One day I was on phone with him driving – and I was in stupid traffic

So then I forgot I was on the phone with him – cause traffic went front and center …

And then I turned Boston lol “what the fuck you doin? Holy shit drive dude”

Yeah so when I am mad I swear – or when in traffic if I am the driver – I also have lead foot

He picks me up and he drives ❤️😄 he doesn’t mind the Boston – and he does drive better than me – he is safe driver

I am also safe driver but I am speedy – I am not a swerve’er … unless is complete moron then fuck it – I gotta be places – move

He is very peaceful driver – I love when he drives ❤️

He be like this:

https://youtu.be/LjhCEhWiKXk?si=Ihnjz1TouamzBvpz

😮😮

https://youtu.be/ByfFurjQDb0?si=qZuJ9_y8SnDMjTc8

😮😮

They still make them like this 😮😮

I let him meet my children 😮 they just met him Friday night – all of them … at a high school powderpuff 🏈 game … nice and easy without spotlight

With the one exception of my daughter telling everyone I am seeing someone and who he is 🙄 cause then 5 teenage girls decked out for the game came booping over 😮 and making big deal 😄🙄

I thought my kids would be like “who is this man? Who dares date our mother?!” Lol

But instead the reason I got is totally different 😮 my oldest likes him a lot and he say mum about time you put yourself out there

And my daughter said “I like him mum, he’s good for you” I said “how you know?” And she said “because I see the way he makes you smile” 😮❤️

And my middle one thought that since he was former politician and from our area and now a lawyer, he would FOR SURE be pompous ass republican – but he wasn’t at all – he was down to earth and fun and awesome 👏

He is also independent like me – but former republican 😄😄 but that’s alright lol – I’ll allow it 😄😄😘✌️

Also he is a teaser!! I am also a teaser 😄❤️ 👏 so he is fun … he is enhancing my life 😮

He enhances my levitation ❤️

https://youtu.be/TUVcZfQe-Kw?si=JWHMizrtREUdGg4A

https://youtu.be/FM7MFYoylVs?si=jMjHDSoMVtpoFzEI

Look what life put in my life right before my own war 😮😮😮

And wow – did not see that comin!

So I have a beautiful experience and life – knock on wood 🪵 lol – I have terribleness and deal with a Monster

But I have brightness that appeared 😮😮

Damn – boy does everything right 😮 someone taught him well! Impressed 😮 he makes me smile all the time ❤️

https://youtu.be/ffej15-Dgl0?si=pAracTVQ4roqaoA_

He’s very sweet, kind, compassionate, funny … even with all the stress I have – he makes it all just melt away 😮😮 what has happened here?? 😮😮😮

Yeah dude sweeping me off my feet 😮 but I’m down to earth and compassionate way 😮 wow

Lol … take note – this man does it right ❤️

https://youtu.be/tbIEwIwYz-c?si=bfqy-sls30TXJf0a

17

Stress

Ok so I do breasts today. 😭 I don’t want to

Also I have court things and work things – too much

I’m gonna be silent for little while – just so I can readjust … I’m fine – I just need to readjust

I have stress currently – thinking how to handle

I be back soon ❤️🙏

Ps I can tell you how today will go already… they will say we see problems but we don’t know what they are – come back for more tests 😭

Try to be positive but it will go like that, it always goes like that 😭💔 I know how this works

9

Do you sometimes wonder if life puts people or things in your life when is supposed to, because you are going to need?

I don’t like to need – I only want to want

https://youtu.be/ru3gH27Fn6E?si=J3Lw05Xdg93WLANT 🫶❤️

One of my flock I love to be around!! She is me – but older – and we laugh and laugh … you could have worst day ever, either me or her… and nothing will cheer up – but then when speak or hang out – all is right with the world and is peace and calm and funny – hilarious ❤️ I am completely at ease with her and she feels like family ❤️ we have long phone convos too just like family – I love her … she brightens my world ☀️ I can just “be”

https://youtu.be/4gAsPT-vgeM?si=LprRwj3vWL4A6ksg

Meant as friend (family), nothing else. But that’s perfect song for her ❤️☀️❤️ I love her very much ❤️🫶❤️

I would not know her if her husband didn’t die.

So in a way… he died when he did for her to have me, and me to have her 😮

And then…

Ok so … I am guarded if a man wants to come close. Yup!

https://youtu.be/nIlKBr9Nr8A?si=6M6O2vkdv9FFCyhn

Unless you approach slow – but that never happens. No one ever takes time.

https://youtu.be/otCpCn0l4Wo?si=flRgXaOOl494Aijh

I wanna see what the motive is and if go too fast, I can not see your motive and I am highly protective!! HIGHLY

I am always kind person but VERY protective

I have my kids, I have my inner circle ⭕️ I am happy – I don’t want that taken away.

Anyway… I have hard shell of crab 🦀

You have to get past the shell first lol

Anyway… guy is not perfect and I totally have not really gotten to know him… only somewhat…

I try not to let down guard because I want to know first… but he is ALL in completely

That is just how it always is… but he is different

With me, he is kind and funny … I’m not sure if he is insecure or not, because he also doesn’t know me well either

But … he treats me EXCEPTIONALLY well 😮 …even though I try to fight against it lol 🤷‍♀️

I just wanna be careful he is not trying to blind me.

On Friday, my whole entire town was at a stand still because our population has grown fast and the city planner SUCKS – you’re FIRED!!!

I could not get across town to save my life … supposably there was a malfunction in railroad – shut down the whole town!!! Omg

Well I take another way and they doing construction and it’s shut down to one lane

Omg!!! Fuckin open it up in situation like this!! Move your shit! … or plan the shit right! One tiny thing brought the town to its fricken knees – that’s bullshit! Maybe fricken handle your job – not a very smart city if you ask me!

Lol … I was on the phone with guy when all this was occurring 😄😄

And the Boston came out 😮😄 … well now you know how I drive lol 💋

He just laughed and said “I do hear the Boston” 😄🤷‍♀️

https://youtu.be/x-64CaD8GXw?feature=shared

Just when I drive or I’m mad lol 😄 is same rush

💋 when it’s in your blood 🩸 ❤️ ☘️

Anyway he said what you want for breakfast and coffee?

I said you don’t have to do that (I had been fasting for the blood tests)

And he gave me a huge text lol

About how he wouldn’t offer if didn’t want to do, also knows I am hard shelled… that he likes me and wants to do for me and all that

So he was waiting for me after my test and he had breakfast and coffee for me – which actually was brightest part of day. ☀️

Anyway – he is always being thoughtful and says things that are beyond sweet

I feel a slight similarity with him so we see

But then ya know – I went and did blood tests Friday

They came back

I am low B12, low Vitamin D, low potassium, elevated TSH (thyroid) and white blood cells are up

Doctor asked me if I recently had any infection – no I have not

So I’m a little scared 🤫

And guy… he be so caring and sweet with me and all this medical things, he always asks if I would like him to come with me – no that’s too close and that’s too deep of emotions so no.

But he is supportive and kind and never judgmental … I don’t want to let go yet- too deep not ready. I need slow.

But then he’s aways so amazing to me and so kind hearted – so ok I won’t run just yet. We see

He doesn’t know what my results were yet – I do … I don’t know if I want to say yet.

I am still absorbing and seeing – I go for breast tests on Tuesday 😩

If I say something I don’t want you to constantly check on my medical – I’m gonna need my mind away from that. It instantly brings emotions so let just be easy does it.

So… I have more to tell – but he’s taking me to dinner tonight – my daughter is at homecoming all beautiful 😍 ❤️

And Doby sees me put clothes on during weekend and he knows I am going out 😄😄❤️

Also on a funny thing – we close to Halloween and since she had homecoming and I busy – I ordered Taco Bell … only to be delivered by :

😄😄 sorry I always think of Dracula 🧛‍♀️

I have more to tell you about though – but later – reminder for me – daughter and humanity

I’m supposed to be getting ready 💋 I am slow woman on weekends

Bye for now

https://youtu.be/oKOtzIo-uYw?si=G-0X9_LkD2XQ6qRw

0

Terrible!

What would your life be like without music?

😮😮😮

Silent ☹️

Vapid ☹️

Hell? ☹️

Music 🎶 – it calms the soul, can change a mood, attach a memory, give you strength, make you dance, music is expressive, creative, music can bring people together, music has no boundaries, music can be whatever you wish … music can do sooooo much!

I do not like this question at all – I never want to imagine a world like that 🥺😩 don’t make me think of terrible things – isn’t the world bad enough?

https://youtu.be/jUe8uoKdHao?si=98jkc-7VEBWFXTb2

5

And done ✔️

This was me this evening … back and forth … but I’m .04 miles away so… easy peasy ❤️

https://youtu.be/iuJDhFRDx9M?si=d7oV-N_Te_GSGrzi

And now – I can sleep for few hours and go right back into crazy

https://youtu.be/-N4jf6rtyuw?si=8b4G_l3D98cCdXFj

Now you understand my life or death 🤷‍♀️ whichever 😘

https://youtu.be/o1tj2zJ2Wvg?si=Pl4WaNu-gm81iBBT

Worked mostly – but one i will have to bring an extension cord tmrw and steam it ugh … can I please have wrinkle free shit? That would help

https://youtu.be/A2CwZ1UTSSA?si=6aOSi83yFcITfaBW

Now you see why I always so exhausted 🥱 ahhhh it all makes sense now huh? Lol

https://youtu.be/dcnd55tLCv8?si=OrYaWXHkmN7kkdxk

And done ✔️ whew ok bed – gnite 💤 😴

Do NOT die tonight!!!! Please!! Give me a moment

Stay with me 🙏🙏🙏

https://youtu.be/pB-5XG-DbAA?si=zqSSvqyPbXAOwKqx

🙏🙏🙏

0

LOCO!!!!!

What day is it? 😳

Yeah it’s like that!!

Omg – today kick my ass so bad

I leave work at 7:15pm – been there since 8am

Oh I’m not done – don’t think I am done

I have services, burials, photo shoot for funeral home (not me … because no way I be in pics – you can not pay me to do photos of me!) so nope 👎

Just funeral home – for website and ads

I had no time to get room ready and I have to iron linens so F that… gonna throw in my machines at home here and as each color finishes … I’m gonna race back over and install (I have 2 colors)

That should take wrinkles out quick and easy – short cut so pray that works please 🙏

So I be working until maybe 9 or 10 ?

Pray for me for all of it

Have assistance tmrw cause omg

Can you say “insanity”

https://youtu.be/RijB8wnJCN0?si=ck17hv6ucJw0h5va

And then when you see us for services is all calm and peaceful and handled for you – so yeah – the backside lol 😮😘

Ahhhhh this is why I am crazy lol

0

I forgot…

I forgot to mention – the doctor called me yesterday to ask why I haven’t done blood tests yet…

So I just said because I can not speak to a live person. I’m supposed to fast and I have questions etc …

I’m not blindly booking medical tests without a live person – I hate automation in areas that should have human compassion!!!!!!!

So she said well let me help you ❤️ and she did ❤️

I do my blood tests on Friday and then my breasts on next Tuesday – bleh 😝😩

Yes is good – I just don’t like – so I moan and groan lol 😘

But yeah your stupid AI will never replace human compassion completely – and if it does – I feel sorry for the world 💔 that would be very bad

Anyway so that is done and coming 😳😩

Is good… I just moan and groan with it because I don’t want it to be a thing 😩

But ok – let’s just do this 😩 lol I can not help groaning with that!!! Omg

I am little afraid – but we cross that bridge later ✌️

https://youtu.be/me19SUmWu2s?si=x4XnbqIqqr51KhNN

That is hard cause I know they are gonna wanna do things to me 😩

Ok bye 👋

4

Time

So … he is still batting 1000 with his thoughtfulness and caring – and do you remember me speaking of wanting a particular thing ? I still want -what it is I want … it can not be bought with money.

I want one thing.

I do think he actually has the capability to do that. Absolutely! I see that he could do that.

Ok so having said that…

I am a whirlwind – remember that… I just need you not to fall in love hook line and sinker immediately – I need time to come to that. Go slow

None of y’all go slow 😮 why you not go slow?

How do I make you go slow? I have no idea 🤷‍♀️

Is not that I’m not impressed with his care towards me … he’s very caring – I just need him to go slow with falling completely in love

Why do none of you do that?

Why you so fast to be in love ? Do you not want to make last?

There is no rush – take time – know who I am… and let me know you.

Just get to know me… stop falling in love so fast

https://youtu.be/O-aavAlSYgc?si=KVnAJNvP5sg82aMr

Meant to be or not… I will take your hand if you go slow

But I need slow

He’s in love already

Ok

Now how I handle that?

I be completely honest – and I already say all my issues – I say what happens

Do you think I desire love so quickly? Because I am a woman or something?

No … I desire to know and fall in love with someone … give me a chance to fall in love with you … just be awesome and caring and human and present – let me know you are interested and want to be there – and also be able to handle the one thing I want – take your time – what is the rush ?

https://youtu.be/hqXaJqqp2SI?si=X153zKP9o_8wXV1x

I know he is cautious to say and do things right and be the one for me

But you have to let me drop guard and fall in love before you do – work your magic first!

https://youtu.be/tt4cR9szMS8?si=A1YLBPn1iT9FwRIA

I do like that he could offer the one thing I want – that part is one that draws my attention big time. I really want that one thing

So I know he can do that, and he is so thoughtful and kind … and does put me at ease mostly – but I still don’t know him

You can be caring and thoughtful and be able to handle the one thing I want and just take it slow… make me fall in love with you first.

Don’t fall in love with me first because that always happens … just relax – take it slow

Make ME want it

You can not rush with me cause then I get weird – don’t make me weird – don’t make me question

https://youtu.be/loHOhxsglKI?si=ClcVZxOiDjNnopf2

I already tell him what happens – I specifically said go slow and that most fall in love really quick – so he knows it’s a thing.

But then it happens – always 😩

Not that I don’t love love ❤️ and not that I am not appreciating how he is – I do appreciate that very much!

But he’s very in love already – he is ready to be all in and sex has not even entered the picture – so it’s not sex … unless for a man taking time drives you nuts or something? Chill – there are plenty of other girls for that

And again – I appreciate who he is very much, and everything he does and says – he does it right with the one exception of falling in love too fast

He is completely smitten and all in

I just need time to come to that

Step slowly

https://youtu.be/UcfbwMFvRb0?si=qFc6vAkpOqcahwOW

I still like him a lot … but just be chill – I love that he thinks of me… I love that and that’s fine ❤️ appreciate very much

And then there is the draw of what I want …

He just has to play his cards right and he’s got it

But he’s so in love already

https://youtu.be/p47fEXGabaY?si=b0r027TWr4028WXe

Yes – I make you fall – can you handle it without losing it?

I thought would get better as I age – but it doesn’t 😮😮

Just give me time – this is why you need to know me

Step careful – let me know you – work your magic – get me hooked so that I can’t imagine life without you – remember I don’t need – only want – you have to make me want by letting me know you

I am different than normal people that would date

https://youtu.be/8tI1_KlO6xI?si=GB7YH0CLAlDUmDlM

You will get caught up in my whirlwind so … I don’t know how to make go slow with me?? 😩

Why is this a thing?

He’s got it – he just needs to let me have time – otherwise he’s totally got it!!

So I dunno – I am thinking

How important to me is time over what I want ? Ahhhh!!!

I know he can give me the one thing I want – but at same time – I need time …slowly

I really do need time – just give me a little time – that’s all – I can’t do fast like everyone else – I’m weird like that – I just need time

So I dunno 🤷‍♀️

6

Sorry 😩

I am sorry that I am busy with things more than usual. I miss you all very much! … week in March whole world – please 🙏

Not that MY job allows down time during a pandemic but let’s aim for that – all together again? 🙏

https://youtu.be/FGBhQbmPwH8?si=jH1UGGyatzOFgfLC

https://youtu.be/L7IP4UlXvG8?si=iDD5CLP3yfA3Llm4

We should all do that … cause I think everyone needs some mental health and to remember what we all went through and how once we were all together 🙏

Took a worldwide pandemic to bring everyone together in unison for one moment 😮

One week that’s all (but every year lol ✌️) I would like that – to have that again – I loved that ❤️ even if was a dumb pandemic that leaders didn’t know how to handle, and caused a lot of death ☹️… but we should remember the moments and commemorate those who died – never forgotten

March – remember that ✌️ I miss you! I wish that could be a world wide thing!

Anyway…

So… new guy 😮

Whoa 🤯

He bring me wine and flowers today … not that you have to bring me anything … but he just does – was thoughtful

Then we talked … I am upfront completely with what he dealing with …

I do have undiagnosed PTSD from things – and careful …because even happy things can make me cry from the emotions of it… so ya know

You will need to step very slowly with coming close – one false move ✌️ no pressure lol

I can only speak very little bits of what happened – otherwise I cry … I kind of just leave that behind me and just handle survival

But he wants to fix that 😮

He says things that do make me tear up 💧… I hide most of the time – because no … not bad things but if ask me about certain things then I do

But earlier he made comment on how I am planner and should just let go and let life come

Yeah well … I plan for reasons

I try to say those reasons – but it is those reasons that make me cry …so … I can’t say

He hugged me and then asked me a question – but when I am teary 🥲 … you can NOT ask me a question lol 😮

I had to hold up 1 finger – give me a moment to collect self and not cry lol … don’t speak to me until I am ok lol 😘✌️ … I can not speak or that will open flood gates lol … do not open flood gates lol

I also tell him I worry because I have medical issues – so what if that is a thing? And then ya know ? Do I want to subject someone to that?

But he tell me a story about his stepfather and how he and his mom cared for him, and made sure he was ok – and loved

He said I am a planner but I plan for negative 😮😮

I didn’t think of it like that til he said that – but again there are reasons so that’s just the way it is

And yes I will plan for negative or bad things because then I can be better equipped to handle, is better for when life hits.

And then he said you are a sensual person aren’t you? Lol … maybe lol … I’m not gonna give away all my secrets when I am still learning lol

I am sensual but in all areas – not just speaking sexual – but yes I am a senses person … senses stimuli lol – yes lol 🤫 – all five 😄

So I dunno – little crazy cause I think I hide that well lol ✌️ but maybe I don’t ??? … you are not supposed to notice that lol

I don’t know how I be in this area – this is not a normal thing for me.

At first after everything – I wanted to have someone because I am not a type to be by myself …

But then – I don’t want to date because I never want a satan again – and then I have friends who date and I don’t like to know how people are with that – but they tell me and then I don’t want to date lol – I am not that type

And I don’t trust, and most guys just either want arm candy or to get in my pants – so that’s a no

I am from 100 years ago so 🤷‍♀️

I think that is a draw for him ? I am as different as he is – but I am also cautious because people like to think that I am challenge 🫤

He is just as observant as “I” am 😮😮 you are not supposed to observe “ME” lol … I observe “YOU” lol

But again … I’m still cautious … he speaks the right words and does the right actions … but we see

Oh and another thing he said was … he asked me if I have ever had a moment with someone that I knew they supposed to be in life but didn’t know how ??

I experienced that ONE time … when I met satan there was a ripple of something – I didn’t know what? I should have paid attention but I didn’t and ignored and here we are – I didn’t know was good or bad

Now I do 😳😮

But that was the only time

He said when he met me years ago – I gave him that ripple of somehow supposed to be in life but didn’t know how 😮

I’m not evil so 🤷‍♀️

Anyway… he asked to use my bathroom and I said it was broken but yes go ahead – I have to fix the inside plug thing

I had the part on the counter in the bathroom – and he just helped me fix it 😮 ok bonus points on that cause would have taken me long time lol

It took him few minutes and now it’s fixed 😊👏 I don’t have to do that 😊❤️

That was sweet and kind. Rackin up the bonus points lol

I am still guarded … because I do not have sure footing in this area – so I do not know … has not been alot of time and I am still learning who is

But there is one area, that when he speaks in regards to it – I feel a little less nervous – his words put me at ease in this area

Bingo that the area I watch severely 😮

But again as always – we see

He asked me out to a work dinner on Sept 30 – I said yes … so I will get to see his world and more of who he is.

Yes this is a big deal to me so we see

https://youtu.be/Io0fBr1XBUA?si=-JS0m2jz6UwyDMfW

So we will see

(This is from last night but I fall asleep writing so here is now lol) forever tired 🥱 😩

Ok here comes Monday – but was quiet weekend so will be week we can catch up hopefully

I am hoping for a peaceful Monday – but those words don’t really match what Monday EVER is lol

https://youtu.be/SsmVgoXDq2w?si=zbMYWKONAzE4ygun

Ok Monday – whatcha got? Here we go – ready? 😳

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